September 2023
Do other people experience DID in the same way as me?
There seems to be a dominant representation of DID in online discourse. Mostly, it seems as though people represent themselves as having a handful of well-defined parts, each with distinct names, ages, and characteristics. Perhaps because I am polyfragmented, I experience something very different, and do not relate to the vast majority of the experiences that other people present themselves as having online. Last month, I posted to the DID subreddit to see if anyone related to my experiences:
cycle DID narrative polyfragmented reddit symptoms
5 minutes
August 2023
Learning about my system with data
Life is moving very rapidly right now. I wrote the previous post (Waking up to the present) six weeks ago, shortly after I had split a new cluster of parts. Then, three weeks ago, I split a whole new cluster of parts. Both six weeks ago and three weeks ago I had very distinct changes in my behavioral patterns and how I operate. I have two very distinct “jumps” in my continuity of memory both three and six weeks ago.
conceptualization cycle data DID polyfragmented symptoms
5 minutes
June 2023
What does it feel like when a trauma-holding part takes control?
I switch a lot on a daily basis, probably because I am polyfragmented. The vast majority of the time, however, I’m switching between parts who are familiar with one-another, so this kind of switching is smooth, with only a small blip in my conscious awareness. I typically call this kind of switching shifting, because, although I am changing between parts, it isn’t jarring and I don’t feel like I have a loss of control—I am able to hold a conversation and mostly remember my train of thought while shifting between parts.
amnesia DID polyfragmented symptoms
6 minutes
May 2023
When I began therapy for DID in January 2022, I had no idea how much my life had already spiraled out of control. Over the course of several years, I had gone from being a high-achieving student at the top of my class to being effectively unable to work because I was so triggered by the world around me. However, because of my severe internal compartmentalization, I was unaware of my dysfunction—I had no idea anything abnormal was happening, and, for the most part, thought I was still the successful student I previously was.
academia cycle DID handwriting narrative polyfragmented symptoms
6 minutes
April 2023
One impactful but not immediately obvious symptom of DID for me is that I do not seem to have a continuous internal sense of time—my awareness of my life is shuffled. Because of this, I may have a hard time differentiating what happened yesterday versus what happened last week or last month, or struggle with remembering if, for example, I have leftovers in my fridge now or if that was from weeks ago.
3 minutes
March 2023
Why do I call myself “polyfragmented”?
The word I like best to describe my flavor of DID is polyfragmented. Polyfragmented is most commonly referred to to mean someone who has a lot of parts and/or splits parts in a complex manner. I believe I exhibit both. In a more traditional case of DID, it is my understanding that a person has a relatively small number parts that are more well defined. They only have a few compartments of memory, thus allowing them to spend more time in each compartment, so each compartment has more time to develop a distinct way of being.
autism DID polyfragmented reddit symptoms
6 minutes