January 2024
Transgenerational food insecurity
On this site, I have frequently mentioned that I have cyclical patterns of internal experience and subsequent behavior due to my presentation of DID. It took me quite a while to realize this as I had not seen this presentation documented anywhere in the academic literature, although I now know that other people with polyfragmented DID also experience this phenomenon. Once I realized this was how I operate, my understanding of my internal experience grew substantially as it provided a framework for which I could apply my experiences to.
cycle DID food intergenerational narrative trauma
6 minutes
May 2023
On the bookcase In the corner of the room Quiet Watching Just as I should be A shut eye doll All dressed up Florals and lace No motive No voice Only eyes And a painted on smile Controlled Coddled and pampered Maneuvered and manipulated It’s for my worst It’s for my best I am a shut eye doll Sitting quiet Sitting still Feeling unheard Feeling unreal Detach Feeling nothing Under her watch
1 minute
March 2023
I was initially hesitant to write about anger, as it’s an emotion I am not used to feeling1. How could I write about something I know nothing about? But I now realize that the absence of anger in my life is significant in itself, and is indicative of how I operate. Anger is an emotion that I am simultaneously very sensitive to, yet not at all familar with—I am incredibly sensitive to the external display of anger in others, yet not at all familiar with how it feels internally.
anger DID narrative symptoms trauma
3 minutes
Parts are created from trauma, not necessarily abuse
Pretty early on in my DID discovery journey, I realized that my handwriting was different depending on which part of me was writing. This was very useful information, as I had taken well-catalogued academic notes for years prior to starting therapy, so I had a solid bank of data of which I could look back on and see which parts of me were active at different times of my life.
autism DID mechanism narrative trauma
5 minutes