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DID culture and conceptualization

It's not about identity DID is a coping mechanism in response to early childhood trauma. I describe how it works, why it is useful, and some of my experiences with it.

Why do I call myself "polyfragmented"? I describe how my presentation of DID may be different from a more typical case of DID.

The sensationalized conceptualization of DID I differentiate between the genuine phenomenological experience of DID and the cultural framework often used to describe it.

DID is (mostly) a culture-bound disorder There is a huge cultural component to the modern-day conceptualization of DID, which I believe is actively harmful to those who actually have DID.

Looping kinds and dynamic nominalism: the feedback loop of diagnostic labels and cultural influences in DID I discuss two concepts by the late philosopher Ian Hacking—looping kinds and dynamic nominalism—which are important for understanding how DID is conceptualized and portrayed


Living with DID

The parts I don't know about still have control Having DID can be dangerous. I describe a frightening event I experienced as a result of having DID and how it affected me.

Dissociative amnesia Amnesia is a common symptom of DID, but it’s more subtle than it sounds. In this post, I discuss how I experience amnesia.

Shuffled sense of time I describe how having DID affects my sense of time and my awareness of my life.

Dissociative intrusions I describe some of my experiences with intrusive symptoms of DID, which could be called “flashbacks”.

Disowning different parts of self Dissociative barriers between parts are held by categorizing parts as “me” or “not me”. Here, I describe my experiences with this.

What does it feel like when a trauma-holding part takes control? I describe what it feels like when parts who are not familiar with the present take control of our body.

Waking up to the present I have suddenly become aware of my current life. Where do I go from here?

Escaping my reality I describe how I learned to perceive the world using my dissociative coping mechanisms, which allows me to have a positively-distorted view of reality.

How am I doing? I feel like I am doing well, but I'm really not. I'm running out of time that I can operate this way.

My handwriting My handwriting is different depending on which part of me is active. In this post, I demonstrate this with three handwriting samples from my academic journal.

Transgenerational food insecurity I tie together my cyclical presentation of DID with my second-hand experience with food insecurity.

Internal vs external reality I discuss my understanding of what I call internal and external reality, and how dissociative individuals may mix the two up.


Emotions

Anxiety I describe my relationship with anxiety, which is an emotion that once consumed me, but I have since learned how to dissociate away.

Anger I describe my relationship with anger, which is an emotion I do not feel.

Fear and shame Fear and shame are two intertwined emotions that dominate my life and control my behavior.


Discovering myself

Parts are created from trauma, not necessarily abuse I describe a mechanism of part creation caused by repeated stressful situations I was put into as a young child.

Finding my language In this post, I discuss my evolving thoughts on the language used to describe my internal experiences.

I'm not perfect, and that's okay I’m a recovering perfectionist. In this post, I decribe how being a perfectionist has created many of the problems I am experiencing in the present.

Learning about my system with data I validate my awareness of how my system operates using data I've tracked about myself.

Do other people experience DID in the same way as me? I haven’t seen my flavor of DID represented anywhere else before, so I went to Reddit to see if others relate to my experiences. As it turns out, they do.


Academia

Fluctuating intelligence I describe my experiences with a well-reported symptom of DID, loss of well-rehearsed knowledge and skill, and how it affects me in my academic career.

How DID affects my work I describe how my flavor of DID affects my ability to work.

I'm not perfect, and that's okay I’m a recovering perfectionist. In this post, I decribe how being a perfectionist has created many of the problems I am experiencing in the present.

How am I doing? I feel like I am doing well, but I'm really not. I'm running out of time that I can operate this way.

My handwriting My handwriting is different depending on which part of me is active. In this post, I demonstrate this with three handwriting samples from my academic journal.

Falling in love with math again Work used to be a trigger for me. I've now realized that work itself wasn't the problem——my academic environment, which surrounds the work, was. Now I'm enthralled with math again.

My healing journey

My experience taking naltrexone, an opioid antagonist I describe my experiences taking naltrexone to treat my dissociative symptoms, which has been very beneficial for my healing journey

Poetry

Shut eye doll A poem about my childhood